Poor results? How to handle?

School holidays are here; fun! frolic! movies! picnics! & what not?

All the fun goes out the window with your child getting poor results - far below expectations.

How to handle such a situation?

Several mothers come to us and ask "he is so depressed; what to do?" "He has not eaten for two days" "he is so quiet. I am worried he will do something"

Handling any setback especially poor performance requires a judicious mixture of rational look at the problem, explanation, optimism, criticism and above all motivation.

Most parents start by saying

“I knew this would happen!”

“What else can you expect with watching TV whole day?”

“Now you know, you can’t clear exams by playing football”

“Look at him, he always passes”

“I don’t know why I pay for all those tuitions?”

Criticize carefully

“You could have studied with more planning" is more effective than, "you're just not good at studies." If you direct criticism toward a child's inherent abilities he will interpret a setback/ failure in one area too broadly, an attitude that only breeds pessimism.

Pay careful attention to how your child reacts to failure. It all boils down to what happens after the setback. If your child tries hard to get do better at studies and still gets poor result, she may respond by giving up trying, thinking she can not do it, or she may ask you to find a better tutor? By suggesting more optimistic reasons for failures, parents give proof that kids have some control over events in their life.

Never try to pacify the child by saying things like "My poor son, your effort is never recognized" or "I think that teacher does not like you". This could seem like a right approach to prevent your child from brooding but will not give them a chance to rethink on better / alternate way to study.

Do not compare

Whatever your child is, he is your child and you have brought him up (right way or wrong). Never demean him by comparing with a sibling, a neighbour, a cousin or your own childhood performances (“I always topped the class”); nothing could be worse. Also, some parents have a habit of discussing child’s poor performance in front of guests, with friends on phone – avoid it as far as possible.

Be Optimistic!!

Teaching a child to think optimistically is vital as It is very easy, for a child, to become discouraged or embarrassed on a setback. Optimism is inculcated early. A child has to be taught, from a young age, to view life experiences optimistically. If parents are optimistic, it is easier for a child to be optimistic and focus on his future potential.

Identify your child’s stressors

Is something distracting your child? Like death in the family, constant infighting between parents or differing demands (mother wants him to study but father wants him to be a cricketer). Parents should be aware of their child's vulnerability. Identify his stressors, try to control them or at least offer moral support during times of stress.

Finally, your child may a have a learning disorder. If suspected, do not procrastinate; get him evaluated and take proper steps.

 

Comments

[Eileen]

Good words.